Ten Actors that make me cringe in 2013
After 200 + movie reviews, I am in a little bit of a funk. I just don’t find writing reviews as enjoyable as I once did. However, I know that the millions….and millions…of my fans need their TBizzy writing fix, so here you go to tide you over. Do you have a list of actors that you cannot stand? It could be because that they are terrible actors. It could be because they are woefully unfunny. Or it could be simply that you just hate their face. Whatever the reason, here is my top 10 list of actors that I simply cannot stand in the year 2013.
What did I base my criteria of hate on? Here are the factors.
1) Look or appearance.
2) Off screen interviews and personality.
3) Their acting ability.
4) The quality of the movies they show up in, both past and present.
5) The total volume of their work.
6) If they will ever show up on a Moped and totally redeem themselves. (Redemption quality)
TOP 10 ACTORS I HATE TO SEE IN FILMS FOR 2013
#10 David Koechener
We start off the cringe list with David Koechener. If you don’t know this guy, then you are probably watching decent movies. If you do know this guy, then you have seen some god awful shit. He has been ruining movies with his deformed facial delivery since 1997. He is so unfunny that even crickets don’t make noise when he tells a joke. The only good news is that he usually has only a small supporting role. The bad news is that he is in like 6 movies a year. When David isn’t killing the comedy genre with movies like Balls of Fury, and My Boss’s Daughter, he can be found killing the horror genre with crappy movies like Final Destination 5, and Piranha 3DD. This guy is so unlikeable that he even killed the Patrick Stewart hairstyle. Take a bow Mr. Koechner; you start off the list at number 10.
# 9 Jack McBrayer
Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the face for no good reason? With his permanent goofy expression and Flowbee sculpted haircut, McBrayer is a one trick pony that has over stayed his welcome. Known mostly as the Page from TV’s, 30 Rock, he shows up from time to time to ruin your movies, homer style. Movies like Talladega Nights and The Campaign, show that he clearly adds no comedic value to any situation. He only ends up as number 9 due to the fact he has a small resume. Let us hope he goes the way of Pauly Shore, so we won’t have to see him again.
# 8 Brandon Fraser
With his strange eyes that are reminiscent of a surprised fish, he is just hard to take seriously. Little known fact: When Arnold was exposed to the Mars atmosphere in Total Recall, Fraser was his stunt double. Brandon Fraser shows there is no movie bad enough for him to turn down. Furry Vengeance, Inkheart, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, it seems Fraser throws on a little R.Kelly music and then makes love to the Green Screen. When a talking chipmunk is acting circles around you, it is time to choose more wisely my friend. The fact that his ex wife is a gold digger, he was awesome in the T.V. show Scrubs, and I grudgingly will admit that I liked the Mummy, all helped his cause. Mr. Fraser could find himself off this list if he ever decided to work with humans again.
# 7 Adam Sandler
Mr. Sandler, what happened to you? Nothing makes me cringe harder than a trailer for a new Sandler movie. That’s My Boy, Jack and Jill, Just Go with It, Grown Ups, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, these movies make Little Nicky look like Citizen Kane. Do you hate your fans Adam? When your pals are making better movies (Grandma’s Boy) than you, it is time to reevaluate your career. If it wasn’t for the strength of his early classics like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, and the fact Sandler is a funny dude off screen, he could have found himself higher than # 7. I have faith in Sandler though and hope he can find himself off this list next year.
# 6 Robert Pattinson
If you stare long enough at this dude he starts to look like an owl. I hate this guy’s face, I hate this guy’s hair, and I hate this guy. Pattinson has only a small volume of work, but when it includes the Twilight series, that is more than enough. Not sure why I dislike him so much, but I am guessing everyone hoped that Voldemort showed up in Water for Elephants. He is firmly at number 6 and I don’t see him moving off this list for next year.
# 5 Jaden Smith
I tried not to include kids on this list but Jaden is too obnoxious not to make it. He hangs out with Justin Bieber, which really says it all. He is a star because of his famous dad, but clearly Jaden didn’t inherit his dad’s natural charm or capabilities. He literally/figuratively makes the Earth Stand Still while you watch his films, and he ruined the Karate Kid. He ruined the Karate Kid….seriously…I loved that movie while growing up. When Jaden is not killing movies, he is walking around with a sense of entitlement that is not even earned. Jaden is quickly creeping up the list instead of down it with his bird like looks. He solidly is entrenched at number 5.
# 4 Ben Stiller
I do not find Stiller funny, and yet I get the impression he thinks he is the funniest guy on the planet. If they gave out a medal for comedians, Stiller would vote for himself. Pick a recent movie, Tower Heist, The Watch, Little Fockers, it is like the guys sole purpose in life is to take peoples hard earned money in exchange for their frowns and silence. He has been riding the success of a couple of movies to the detriment of the paying public. The movies that do work, are despite of him being in it (Tropic Thunder, There’s Something About Mary.) He is the blandest man in comedy, and he has been doing it for almost 30 years. At number 4 and as the top comedian on my list, you should take a bow Mr. Stiller, for sucking out loud.
# 3 Nicolas Cage
I take many jabs at Cage when I write my reviews, so I am sure you are shocked that he is only number 3 on my list. With his cocaine physique and Crypt Keeper inspired hair, Cage has been ruining movies for a long time now. I could list them ad nauseam, or I could just tell you to YouTube the Wicker Man ending and then you will understand where I am coming from. His constipated delivery aside, the dude has won an Oscar. He also was in solid movies like The Rock, and Con Air, not to mention he played Big Daddy in the movie Kick-Ass, which helps his cause immensely. The dude is an overacting, twitchy spaz, but he doesn’t have the chops to head my list. Cage is firmly at the number 3 spot and he will be on this list until he stops making movies.
# 2 Shia LaBeouf
Shia thinks he is Hollywood’s bad boy except that he looks like Cory Matthews from Boy Meets World. He was balls in Transformers, he was balls in Indiana Jones, and he was balls in Lawless. He just cannot act. He lowers the credibility of the film just by being in it. He looks like a guy who would be picked on in high school, and yet he is taking on major action roles. I even hate his name. He is young so he has time to correct his weaknesses, but until then we are in purgatory as he stutters through his lines. Shia is at number 2 on my cringe worthy list.
#1 Hayden Christensen
He ruined Star Wars. Okay, that is an overstatement, but he certainly was a huge contributing factor to its awfulness. He was good in the movie, Life as a House, and………………….that’s it. He has one look, and that look is emo. He looks like he went to the Kristen Stewart, school of acting. Whenever he is on screen, it is hard not to pretend that the Evanescence song, My Immortal, is playing in the background. He kills movies with a mere word and I have put off watching things he is in, as I can’t sit through 2 hours of his wooden performances. He is the Movie Terminator and whenever I hear that he is in a film I say, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Honorable mentions that almost made my list were: Dax Shepard, Matt Dillon, Robin Williams, John Travolta, Owen Wilson, and Johnny Knoxville.
So that is my list for 2013. If I forgot someone or if you disagree with me, I would love to hear your thoughts. I will be making the actress list sometime soon. Thanks for reading and until next time, remember. “With no power comes no responsibility” – Kick-Ass