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Movie rating system (0-2) The movie is balls (2-4) A few moments but mostly bad (4-5.5) Entertaining film but lacking something to make it good. (6-7.5) A recommendation meaning a good solid watch. (8-10) must watch films, they are usually leaders in their respective genre. I can also be found on Facebook or follow my blog at the bottom of this page. THERE MAY BE MINI SPOILERS AHEAD!!! But there will be no endings/twists/cameos/or large plot reveals given.

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Monday, 29 April 2013

Top 10 Scary Scenes (From my Childhood)

Top 10: Scariest Movie Things (from when I was a kid.)


I have always loved horror films and while I am not an aficionado of the genre, I still love to talk about them. There is nothing like watching horror films when you were a kid. When the Saturday morning X-Men cartoons were just not cutting it, or starting fires with a magnifying glass was getting old, it was time to look at things that go bump in the night. So I compiled a list of the Top 10 scariest movie moments from my childhood (Age 12 or younger). Some will argue I watched these movies way too young, and I would argue that you are probably right. While all of these scenes are not from horror movies, they have stuck with me because they were terrifying to me. It really worries me that this list was so easy for me to make. My irrational fear of the ocean, spiders, birds, cartoon rats, and worms, can all be traced back to these movies. I am not ashamed to say that these scenes made me want to crap my pants in fright. So grab some popcorn, and sit back and relax, as I tell you about the top ten movie scenes that plague my nightmares till this very day.



# 10 Nicodemus, The Secret of NIMH

Haha, I start off the list with a cartoon character. I know most of you will be like, WTF kind of list is this? But please bear with me. There is not a specific scene that stands out for me, but Nicodemus was underwear wetting scary. With his glowing eyes and Jessica Tandy looking hands, Nicodemus was created in some warped mind to frighten children. Although he turns out to be a super nice rat, he has haunted my dreams since I was like 6. Nicodemus starts us off at number 10.

# 9 Jabberwocky, Alice in Wonderland (TV Movie)

Again not a specific scene and I know, I know, I cheated with a TV movie, but the Jabberwocky was hella scary back in the day. It was a freaky ass puppet that was accompanied by lightning and thunder whenever it showed up. It also looked slimy which didn’t help the matter. I constantly lived in fear of this thing showing up in my life. This thing was a Jim Henson creation on acid. The Jabberwocky finds itself at # 9 

# 8 Death Guard creation, The Beastmaster

This dude was tortured, Gollum style, and then had green juice and a weird worm inserted into his cranium via a dirty tube. It was nerve wracking to watch. After that was over, he had a creepy S & M helmet slapped on his head and menacing spiked gauntlets attached to his hands. He shambled his way through claustrophobic tunnels scaring the frak out of me. To make matters worse, the Death Guard was trying to kill the two best characters in this film (the ferrets.) The Death Guard was messed up to look at, and I was messed up for looking. The creation of this Death Guard through torture is number 8 on my list.

# 7 Gremlins attack Billy’s mom, Gremlins

Remember this movie? It got dark INCREDIBLY fast. What starts off with one of the cutest characters in cinematic history (Gizmo) soon scared the living shit out of me. This all started in the kitchen scene with Billy’s mom. She shred Gremlins in the Blender, She explodes them in the microwave, and she even stabs one of them Michael Myers style. Moral of the story, don’t mess with Billy’s mom. Never the less, with razor sharp teeth and slimy skin, that kitchen scene freaked me the F out.

 # 6 Jud Crandall’s death, Pet Cemetery

It is never easy to watch violent deaths on screen when you were a kid. This one was especially memorable. Jud Crandall was the nice grandfatherly character that is stalked through his house by an undead boy. Noises come from all over the place as Jud tries to find out where this kid is hiding. What does Jud get for his trouble? A severed Achilles tendon and a Joker like smile sliced into his face. It is bone chilling, and still leaves me unsettled all these years later.

# 5 Terminators eye removal, The Terminator

The Terminators eye is messed up. He removes it. Not sure what else to write. Seeing the Terminator cutting open his own arm was a close second.

# 4 Alien chest burst, Aliens

WTF just happened? I hadn’t seen the first movie in this franchise before I saw Aliens, so this was traumatizing to me and completely unexpected. A young kid has his chest blown open and a creepy alien shoots out. To make matters worse, they blow torch its ass. Ugh, this had me clutching a security blanket for months after. This film ruined a lot of my childlike innocence in that one scene alone.

# 3 Man melting at the end of Raiders, Raiders of the Lost Ark

 If there was ever a movie scene that was partially watched through the fingers of my hand, this was it. Indiana Jones told Marion not to look at what came out of the Ark; I very wisely took Jones’s advice also. Seeing a man melt in full view would ruin any kid’s day, and this was no exception. What was an awesome movie to that point, quickly turned awful. This scene finds itself at number 3 on the list.

# 2 Khan puts a worm in a couple of guy’s ears, Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan

My dad used to watch this movie in our basement while I was growing up. I never would go into the basement after seeing this scene down there.

# 1 Fisherman with missing eyeball, Jaws

I tagged along with my two older brothers to a birthday party back in the day. They played the movie Jaws there. It ruined my innocence. To this day, I still say it is the scariest scene in any movie. When they find the dead guy in the water with a missing eye, I started to hate Birthday parties a little. This is easily the top scariest scene from my childhood.

Honorable Mentions

Predator # Missing Arm

Robocop # Toxic Waste

Nightmare on Elm Street # Bedroom

Poltergeist # Old Man

The Birds # Flock

About Schmidt # Hot tub

This is my list. What do you think? What would you add to your lists?  

Friday, 26 April 2013

Top 10 Men That Women Want (of All Time)

10 Actors that Women Want (ALL TIME)

A couple of day ago, I listed my top 10 crushes of all time. So it is only fair to my female readers, that I make a top 10 list of actors that women have crushed on over the years. I have compiled a list of guys that make the ladies swoon. These 10 actors could steal your woman in a heartbeat, and all you could do about it is say, "well played sir, well played.". These guys are mantastic, they are mandsome, and they are mangnificent. So I am going to drop my Alpha Male personality for a bit. I am going to turn on the song Goodbye Horses, by Garvey. I am going to tuck my junk in between my legs like Buffalo Bill, and I am going to write about 10 men that women want, and who guys want to be. One last note, this was not an easy list to make, so I apologize to a couple of ladies I know that have Tom Cruise and Gordon Joseph-Levitt on their lists. Here we go!


# 10 Chris Hemsworth

Chris Hemsworth has come out of nowhere to become a leading man in Hollywood these days. Ladies love him because of his Australian accent and his chiseled physique. This guy is so good looking he plays Captain Kirk’s dad (let that sink in.) Guys love him because he is Thor, and he has frakking clotheslined a zombie on screen (how many can make that claim?) With his permanent five o clock shadow, Chris Hemsworth finds himself at number 10 on the list.

# 9 Mel Gibson

Another Aussie finds himself on this list and for good reason. Before Mel Gibson went bat shit crazy and all anti-Semitic, he was the toast of the town. He is ruggedly handsome with a quick sense of humor, and won audiences over with a combination of Action and Comedic films. Women love him because of his quick smile and his animal magnetism. Guys love him because of Lethal Weapon and Braveheart. If it wasn’t for alcohol, Mel Gibson could have found himself higher than number 9 on this list.

# 8 Will Smith

There are A-list actors and then there is Will Smith. This guy has been popular for so long that it is hard to remember that first season of, Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Will has the ability to make people laugh in any situation and that is a rare thing to be able to do. The girls love him because of his natural charm and entertaining humor. The guys love him because he is Mike LOWWWWRY. Will Smith will be entertaining us for years to come and finds himself at number 8 on this list.

# 7 Ewan McGregor

I am going to have to agree with Chandler from Friends. Moulin Rouge is a great movie. This guy seduces prostitutes using a medley of love songs. How Baller is that? He can sing, he can act, and he is just a likable dude. The women love him because he is dashing, and because of the above mentioned film. The guys love him because he is motherflippin Obi-Wan Kenobi. Also if he wasn’t your favorite character in the film Black Hawk Down, YOU CRAZY!

# 6 Ryan Reynolds

You know the guy doesn’t think he is all that because he dated, Alanis Morissette. He is basically Jim Carey, with a Greek statue body. With his permanent baby face and goofy ways, he has won the ladies hearts with movies like Definitely Maybe, and the Proposal. Women love him because he is quirky and has a 16 pack. Guys love him because he made the only funny National Lampoon movie since Chevy Chase, and that he has said Thunder Cunt on screen. Good old Canadian boy finds himself at number 6 on this list.

# 5 Patrick Swayze

One movie, two words: Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze danced and pelvic thrusted his way into women’s hearts. He cemented his place there by “Ghosting” some pottery with Demi Moore. Not sure what else to say. He made women cry and made them laugh. Women love him because he could mash potatoes and he could do the twist. Guys loved him because he was the smallest bouncer ever and still kicked ass in the movie Road House. RIP Mr. Swayze, you will always be remembered for not putting Baby in a corner, and for singing She’s Like the Wind.

# 4 Channing Tatum

I didn’t want to include this guy, but too many of my female friends go ballistic when talking about this cat. I don’t see the rabid appeal, but this isn’t really my list, so here we go. This guy last year made millions of ladies, Channing all over their Tatum’s. He starred in a little movie called, Magic Mike. The ladies love him because he grinds on the stage, he grinds on the piano, and he grinds on any woman with a single. The guys love him because he was awesome in 21 Jump Street. When you think that guys objectify women, just remember Magic Mike, ladies.

# 3 Hugh Jackman

Is there a nicer dude in Hollywood? I don’t think so. This guy is so high on the list because he does it all. He can sing, dance, does Broadway, and then kicks some ass at the end of the day. He also has mass appeal from all age groups. I am pretty sure my mom threw her bra at him when he was doing a show in Toronto. The women love him because he is charming, a gentleman, and he is ripped. The guys love him because he can grow a kick ass beard, and because he is WOLVERINE, BITCH!

# 2A Ryan Gosling

This guy was Noah, from the Notebook. End of story.

#2 Harrison Ford

This guy was Han Solo, and Indiana Jones. End of story.

# 1 Brad Pitt

I could write a novel on why ladies love this dude but it really comes down to one movie, Legends of the Fall. Women love him because he is Brad Pitt. Guys love him because he is Tyler Durden, Billy Beane, Lt. Aldo Raine, Rusty Ryan, Achilles, and Mickey O’Neil. Okay, maybe I should move him to my top 10 crush list; Brad Pitt finds himself at number 1 on the Men that Women Want list.

Honorable Mentions

Nathan Fillion # Serenity

Zac Efron # New Years Eve 

Paul Newman # Career

Liam Neeson # Taken

Bradley Cooper # The Hangover

Lion-O # ThunderCats

So that is my list of Dashing Dudes. Agree, Disagree? Let me know! 

"I'll brush my teeth." - Kingpin

Wednesday, 24 April 2013

Top 10 Actress Crushes of All Time

Top 10 Actress Crushes (All Time)

My Top ten lists seem to be popular, so I will continue on with that trend. Today’s list, centers on my top 10 crushes of all time. If I were Andy Dufresne, and I was incarcerated in Shawshank prison, I would mos def have a poster of these women on my wall. If I was Ross from the TV show Friends, these women would be on my laminated, Get out of Jail free card. These are the women that for whatever reason, seem to have that IT factor for me. (No, I don’t mean Pennywise the Clown, IT factor)


# 10 Diane Lane

In the mid nineties, when the rest of the world was fawning over Meg Ryan and Julia Roberts, I was a Diane Lane man. She really doesn’t have any movies that stand out in my mind as being great, but she was the only redeeming quality in the movie Judge Dredd, and for that reason alone, she is number 10 on my all time Crush list.

#9 Elisabeth Shue

One movie, three words: Adventures in Babysitting. Ummmm…….she is only the hottest babysitter of all time! (Sorry, Jonah Hill). She was cool, she had funky colored scarves, and she sang the babysitting blues. I was smitten.

#8 Mandy Moore

Laugh all you want, but for some reason whenever I saw a young Mandy Moore on screen, the Barry Manilow song made sense to me. It also could be the fact that I was dragged to many Mandy Moore films in theatre, because of a special lady at the time. What a guy is forced to do in the name of love. She can sing, she seemed innocent, and you are lying if you didn’t like A Walk to Remember. Mandy finds herself at number 8 on my all time list.

#7 Kim Basinger

If she was good enough for Batman, she was mos def good enough for me. Damn that Vicki Vale was hot back in the day! She was the perfect woman until she got used up by Mickey Rourke in 9 ½ Weeks, jk. One of the original women of the comic book world, Basinger is a one of a kind for nerd fantasies everywhere.

#6 Claire Forlani

I unfortunately had to see the movie Boys and Girls, in theatre. The movie was balls, but I was introduced to the lovely Claire Forlani. She doesn’t do much these days, but I am always happy to see her when she does. Plus, when you are in an early Kevin Smith movie (Mallrats) you know she has to be cool. With a killer set of eyes, Forlani finds herself at number 6.

# 5 Rhona Mitra

Kevin Bacon peeped in on Mitra, during the movie Hollow Man, and all I could say was, Voltron got served….Dammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmn. Since then, I am probably the only person in the world that follows this woman’s career wherever she goes. She was in the weak Underworld prequel, but made it watchable. Being the second hottest vampire (after Beckinsale) of all time is not a bad title to have. She is just a beautiful woman that can kick some serious ass in her films.

 #4 Kristen Bell

Kristen Bell won my heart over on a little known show called, Veronica Mars. She cemented a place in my heart with the pink bikini from the movie, Forgetting Sarah Marshall. If she wasn’t already cool enough, she also showed up in the TV show Heroes, completing my nerd fantasy. She is cute, sexy, and funny, which is a rare combination. YouTube a clip with her about a sloth, or any interview with Craig Ferguson, and I am sure you will agree.

# 3 Rachel Leigh Cook

I don’t know why but I am in love with this girl. I sat through She’s All That, and Josie and the Pussycats, just to see her. Put her in your movie and I will watch it, end of story.

# 2 Danielle Harris

Danielle Harris is a scream queen. If you don’t watch horror, than you probably don’t know about her. But trust me when I say this, you are missing out. She has roles in Rob Zombies Halloween, and the Indie film Stakeland. She is a woman I would fight Michael Myers for.

# 1 Phoebe Cates

If you never had a crush on Phoebe Cates then you are either blind, too young, or don’t watch movies. Most people like Phoebe for her role in Fast Times at Ridgemont High. I fell in love with her because she tangled with motherflippin gremlins. She is the ultimate girl next door and Kevin Kline is a lucky man to be able to call Phoebe his wife. Cates tops my list of actress crushes.

Honorable Mentions

Marina Sirtis # Star Trek

Alison Brie #Community

Sandra Bullock # Demolition Man

Carey Mulligan # Drive

Jessica Rabbit # Who Framed Roger Rabbit

“I’m going to wreck it!” – Wreck-it Ralph

To keep it balanced, my next list will be top 10 actors that women want.