About Me

My photo
Movie rating system (0-2) The movie is balls (2-4) A few moments but mostly bad (4-5.5) Entertaining film but lacking something to make it good. (6-7.5) A recommendation meaning a good solid watch. (8-10) must watch films, they are usually leaders in their respective genre. I can also be found on Facebook or follow my blog at the bottom of this page. THERE MAY BE MINI SPOILERS AHEAD!!! But there will be no endings/twists/cameos/or large plot reveals given.

Social Network

Search This Blog


Saturday, 21 December 2013

Movie 43

Movie 43
Rated: R
Running Time: 94 minutes
Starring: Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Common, Will Sasso, Seth McFarlane, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Live Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Anna Farris, Chris Pratt, J.B. Smoove, Kieran Culkin, Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Kate Bosworth, Jack McBrayer, Justin Long, Jason Sudeikis, Uma Thurman, Bobby Cannavale, Aasif Mandvi, Kristen Bell, Leslie Bibb, Katrina Bowden, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloe Grace Moretz, Patrick Warburton, Gerard Butler, Seann William Scott, Johnny Knoxville, Halle Berry, Stephan Merchant, Terrence Howard, Elizabeth Banks, Josh Duhamel,  
Directed By: Multiple
Rating: 0 out of 10
A movie producer pitches a host of ideas to a big wig executive in a last ditch effort to save his career.

My 97 year old grandmother is slightly racist and has partial dementia, and she says things that I would consider funnier and less awkward than what happens in this film. Movie 43 is the story of a down on his luck Hollywood producer. He is pitching a series of movie ideas to a Hollywood executive in the hopes of resurrecting his stalled career.

I was looking forward to watching this film for a long time. The trailer for this movie is arguably the funniest trailer that I have ever seen. You should just YouTube that trailer now, and save yourself from the self inflicted gunshot wound that is this movie. The film starts out and we are introduced to a disheveled looking producer, peddling his grade 2 movie ideas. He is clearly deranged from the first movie pitch. Seeing Hugh Jackman with a pair of testicles on his throat is all you need to know about the quality of humor. The film is just is an odd assortment of the lowest form of humor ever conceived. Not only is the script trolling the bottom of a dirty toilet for its jokes. It relentlessly beats the viewer over the head with them. A girl gets her period for the first time, so let’s make unfunny jokes about it for the next ten minutes. A guy is strangely home schooled by his overbearing parents, so let’s make awkward incest jokes about it for the next ten minutes. A naked female music player mangles guy’s junks, so let’s make inane sexual jokes about it for the next ten minutes. And so on and so on. It is not the crass humor that bothers me. It is more the lack of subtly in its presentation.

Look at this cast and tell me how this could have gone so wrong? I am not going to fault any of the actors/actresses that show up in this movie. They are clearly attempting to appeal to new audiences by trying a genre that is outside of their normal comfort level. Unfortunately, this movie is so bad they will all look back at this with some modicum of regret. Most actors/actresses lament their earlier work as they are just looking for a paying gig. Anyone involved with project can now look back and say without a shadow of a doubt that this is the worst thing on their resume.

As the film carries on it is obvious that it has no clear direction. It just bounces from one abysmal movie pitch to the next. It is an insult to the viewer that they have to sit through so many terrible scenes. I could talk all day about how bad this film is but I will leave you with this thought. I would rather get another kidney stone. I would rather watch Nicolas Cage do Shakespeare. I would rather watch Lizz Winstead do standup comedy. I would rather my nephew break my favorite Star Wars Figure than have to watch this movie again. Toilet humor can work if done right, but this material clogged the toilet.

 As for the directors, it is like all of them got together, smoked peyote, and then asked Andy Dick to write a film for them. Then they filmed it.

I obviously cannot recommend this movie. It is easily one of the worst of 2013.

T Factor + None

T Factor – None

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Scary Movie 3-5, Date Movie.

The World's End

The World’s End
Comedy (Alien, Action, Sci-Fi)
Rating: R
Running Time: 109 minutes
Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Pierce Brosnan, David Bradley, Rosamund Pike
Directed By: Edgar Wright
Rating: 5 out of 10
A group of guy out on a pub crawl must save the world from an unknown invader.

12 pints at 12 pubs…..Kiefer Sutherland and I call that Sunday brunch! The World’s End is the story of 5 college friends that have grown apart. 20 years have passed, and they have reunited to try and finish a legendary pub crawl which they had attempted in their youth. 1 pint at 12 different pubs is the goal, but in the process they become humanities unlikeliest chance at survival.

It is too bad they couldn’t have taken the first half of this movie and then put it together with the end of Hot Fuzz. That would have been a truly funny film. Alas, we have a film that starts off great and then spirals out of control about midway through. The opening scene introduces us to the 5 college friends attempting the epic pub crawl. It is a valiant effort but it just wasn’t meant to be. Fast forward 20 years, and the group has grown up and grown apart, except for Gary King. Gary is a man drifting through life, and is stuck in the memories of his happiest moments (which are at college with his buddies.) He decides to round up his old buddies, and head back to the little college town to retry the epic pub crawl. The only problem is that his friends are career men now, with wives and families. There is humor to be found as Gary gets the old crew together. Gary sweet talks, bribes, intimidates, and ultimately bullies his friends into completing this drinking quest. Seeing these unassuming men, being led by a homeless looking Peter Pan is hilarious. Many laughs are to be had as they travel down memory lane together. Gary has the same car, same music, same stories, and same lack of ambition. He is going to complete this pub crawl at all costs though, and nothing on this Earth is going to stop him….

Gary King is played by the always hilarious Simon Pegg. With his black garb and greasy black hair, Pegg guides this sociopathic character into some truly hilarious situations. I have heard grumblings that people hated Pegg in this role, but I think he was awesome and carried the film almost single handedly at times. He is fast talking and charming in an immature type of way. His friends are played by Nick Frost, Martin Freeman, Paddy Considine, and Eddie Marsan. These four all add something to the film but are mostly supporting Pegg as he goes off on one of his many epic tirades.

As the film progresses and the 5 friends bounce from pub to pub, something curious starts to happen. The townsfolk’s stares seem to linger a little too long. The townsfolk conversations seem to be just a little too quiet. And the townsfolk seem to pay a little too much attention to what the 5 friends are doing. What should be a night of crazy drinking becomes one of survival instead. You see, the townsfolk are not what they seem and are not going to let the friends leave. For the second half of the film, the 5 friends must brawl their way from pub to pub. They kick and punch, and they run and they drink. They kick and punch, and they run and they drink. They kick and punch, and they run and they drink. They kick and punch, and they run and they drink. It gets so repetitive that it is hard to sit through. The fight scenes are actually pretty great and comical in this, but they rely on it too much for the laughs. As the film comes to an end, it is clear that the writers (Pegg and Wright) had no way to finish it and just said frak it. So not only is the ending intolerable, it is also stupidly unfunny. In conclusion, this film is much like a crazy drinking binge. You are energetic and happy at the beginning. In the middle you are laughing, giddy, and wondering where you will end up next. And the ending is a jumble of half remembered images and regrets that you should have quit while you were on top. This is an entertaining and yet disappointing way to end the Cornetto trilogy. Will the 5 guys survive and save the world from an otherworldly menace? Watch and find out.

Director Edgar Wright knows his audience. Therefore, I really cannot critique him for this movie. His fans will ultimately love this movie as he uses lots of references from his other films (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) He also gets top marks for the fight scenes as they are very well done. They are high impact as well as humorous, which is hard to do. Ultimately, I would have liked a more consistent and original finished product from him though.

I cannot give this movie a recommendation. Although The Worlds End is the final destination for this franchise, my heart will always remain in the Winchester!

T Factor + If you like the comedic duo of Frost and Pegg then this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you are looking for the earlier comedic magic that is captured in Shaun of the Dead then this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: The Watch, This is the End.

Friday, 20 December 2013

The Conjuring

The Conjuring
Rated: R
Running Time: 112 minutes
Starring: Patrick Wilson, Vera Farmiga, Lili Taylor, Ron Livingston
Directed By: James Wan
Rating: 7.5 out of 10
A family hires two paranormal investigators after some strange occurrences take place in their quiet farmhouse.

(See picture below) Who the frak would own a doll like this? Seriously, this is the scariest looking doll of all time!

The Conjuring is the story about Frank and Lorraine Warren. They are paranormal investigators that help people with supernatural problems. Taking place in the 1970’s, The Warrens are about to take on their most difficult case yet. The Perron family has been tormented by a sinister presence in their farmhouse and requires the Warren’s aid to stop the supposed haunting.

The film starts off with a fantastic opening scene where two girls are tormented by the above mentioned doll. The brief opener puts the viewer on edge, as the paranormal activity is entirely suspenseful and extremely abrupt. This creation of nervous tension never leaves the viewer for the whole film (which is obviously a good thing.) The opening moments also offers a glimpse into what the Warren’s work is all about. They are there to primarily debunk any hauntings, and if so needed, to offer assistance to people who legitimately need their help. The Warrens lead an interesting but happy life as they battle the evils of the world. That is all about to change when they are introduced to the Perron family. The Perrons are a down on their luck family trying to survive an economic downturn. They have recently moved into a fixer-upper farmhouse on a picturesque tract of land. The two parents and five daughters settle into their new house with thoughts of new beginnings on their minds, but the house has other ideas. The first half of the film sees the Perron family bombarded with strange happenings and unexplainable events. Random noises, awful smells, and malfunctioning electronics seem to invade their lives at every turn. This film seems to throw something scary at the viewer with alarming frequency (which I normally hate) but the film is so creepy that it works. The Perrons pass off the early events as new house growing pains, but when their dog starts to freak out over nothing, unexplained bruises appear on their bodies, and random items fall from the walls, they decide they need help (enter the Warrens.)

This film has a veteran cast and they work well together in their respective roles. The Perrons are played by Lili Taylor and Ron Livingston. I have been critical of these two in the past, but they are solid as blue collar parents trying to make ends meet. They are skeptics of the occult and yet seek help when things spiral out of control. The two of them work in this film because they don’t try and do too much with their characters. Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga play the Warrens. Wilson is solid if unremarkable as the fearless paranormal investigator. He adds stability to the chaotic situations through his calming demeanor. Farmiga is not only beautiful, but she turns in the best performance of this film. She will win the viewer over with her powerful performance/emotions as a self professed clairvoyant. Farmiga and Wilson seem so at ease with each other as they ghost hunt, 1970’s style! The only weak performance in this is turned in by the youngest Perron daughter played by Kyla Deaver. Deaver’s awful dialogue and robotic delivery will definitely take the viewer out of the scare mode at times. She is young though, so it is hard to pick on her.

As the movie carries on, it will prove to the viewer that if you look into the darkness long enough, there are sometimes evil things lurking there. The Warren’s presence in the house has escalated the hatred, and they have a limited time to root out the evil residing there. The Perrons are at their wits end as the entity tries to tear the family apart. There is no rest for this poor family as they are assaulted when they sleep, they are assaulted when they play, and they are assaulted when they are most vulnerable. Discovering the reason behind the evilness of the house only adds to the enjoyment of a truly chilling movie experience. As the film comes to its tumultuous ending, one cannot help but get shivers down their spine. In conclusion, this is one of the best horror films of 2013. Right from the opening moments, this film will scare the viewer with loud noises and creepy imagery. The relentless frights will keep you on edge as nowhere can be considered a safe place. This film has ghostly happenings, exorcism elements, scary old toys, and a creepy old house. All of these things are working in a cacophony of terror to delight the viewer. The only negative is the lack of blood and some cheesy supporting characters (see the police officer) but truly this film was great. Will the Warrens be able to save the Perron family? Watch to find out.

Director James Wan has been hit or miss with me but this is definitely his best film since the original Saw move. The farmhouse is a great locale for evil doings, and the tried and tested cast gets maximum results. His camera work is superb as he makes the viewer experiences a lot of situations from the characters point of view. He makes the viewer fear to look under the bed and behind closed doors, and that is not an easy thing to do. It will be a long time before I play hide and seek with my nephews after watching this film.

I give this movie a big recommendation especially to people who don’t need blood and gore in their horror.

T Factor + If you like the paranormal activity genre then this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you like gore in your horror films then this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Sinister, Insidious.