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Movie rating system (0-2) The movie is balls (2-4) A few moments but mostly bad (4-5.5) Entertaining film but lacking something to make it good. (6-7.5) A recommendation meaning a good solid watch. (8-10) must watch films, they are usually leaders in their respective genre. I can also be found on Facebook or follow my blog at the bottom of this page. THERE MAY BE MINI SPOILERS AHEAD!!! But there will be no endings/twists/cameos/or large plot reveals given.

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Sunday, 16 September 2012

Meet the Spartans

Meet the Spartans
Rated: PG-13
Running Time: 86 minutes
Starring: Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Diedrich Bader, Kevin Sorbo, Method Man
Directed By: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Rating: 1.5 out of 10
A film spoofing the movie 300.

Sometimes in the course of me reviewing movies I wish I could just copy and paste a past review to save me some time. I reviewed the spoof movie Vampires Suck a couple of weeks ago and here we are again with a different film but the same lame jokes. These terrible spoof movies really follow the same formula so they all kind of blend together at this point. Alas, I am guessing no one wants to read the same review twice so here we go. Meet the Spartans is spoofing the popular film 300. It follows the tale of King Leonidas the leader of Sparta. He leads a small group of men to repel an invasion from a massive Persian army under the rule of Xerxes.

So having seen the movie 300 before watching this film will aid you in storyline perspective. It will make this film easier to follow but what it won’t do is make this film funny in any way. The film is a tired attempt at humor and its pop culture references have limited appeal. An opening scene where a Shrek looking baby vomits neon goo all over an elderly Spartan really is as good as this movie gets. If you find things like that funny then by all means this movie is for you. If you have any taste in comedy then you will understand you are about to embark on 86 minutes of really unfunny cinema. It is like this film prided itself on being dumb. It throws things into the movie like Leonidas on the game show Deal or No Deal. It also has him fighting the penguin from the film Happy Feet. This film tries to reference as many things as possible with no thought to story or flow. Let me put it this way, this film makes Martin Short seem funny.

The acting was awful but it doesn’t need to be anything above that in a film of this nature. Leonidas played by Sean Maguire actually does a solid impression of Gerard Butler (he played Leonidas in the movie 300 FYI) He is really the only redeeming quality in this film (That is not saying much.) It is too bad his jokes weren’t better because he was a great choice as the lead character. The film has many other characters but they are mostly terrible. There are actors in this movie mimicking Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears who don’t look anything like the real thing. They are so far off in the looks department that if they didn’t tell you who they were you probably couldn’t guess. Carmen Electra, Diedrich Bader, Kevin Sorbo are all in this movie if you are fans of theirs.

As the movie progresses you will find out that this film relies heavily on stupid gay jokes and technology in the wrong era jokes. Scantily clad men making sexual innuendos and using cell phones in the olden days is what passes as humor in this film. Leonidas must stop the Persian hordes by any means necessary and by that I mean ANY means necessary. He doesn’t use a sword to thwart the enemy he has to beat them at dance offs, a yo mama contest, and even fight a terrible Rocky impersonator. As the film comes to its end you will finally be relieved from a film begging for you to hate it. All I can really say is please do not watch this for any reason.

Directors and writers Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer must get death threats their films are so bad (See Epic Movie, Date Movie). It is like a contest for them to turn a profit with the worst possible scripts known to man. Besides the casting of the lead this film failed in almost every way. This film is a torment to watch and will illicit mostly groans from the viewer. I gave this film an extra 0.5 on the rating scale as I felt bad they made all the actors sing I Will Survive at the end of the film.

I cannot recommend this film as you will not want to meet any of these Spartans.

T Factor + If you appreciate things that are so bad they are good then this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you have not seen the film 300 this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Vampires Suck, Epic Movie

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