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Movie rating system (0-2) The movie is balls (2-4) A few moments but mostly bad (4-5.5) Entertaining film but lacking something to make it good. (6-7.5) A recommendation meaning a good solid watch. (8-10) must watch films, they are usually leaders in their respective genre. I can also be found on Facebook or follow my blog at the bottom of this page. THERE MAY BE MINI SPOILERS AHEAD!!! But there will be no endings/twists/cameos/or large plot reveals given.

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Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Dead Before Dawn

Dead Before Dawn
Horror (Comedy)
Rated: R
Running Time: 88 minutes
Starring: Christopher Lloyd, Devon Bostick, Martha MacIsaac, Brittany Allen
Directed By: April Mullen
Rating: 0 out of 10
A group of college kids must survive the night after the worlds populace turns into Zemons.

“I wish the writers of Saved by the Bell penned a zombie movie.” -  Said by no one ever. My brother recently passed me this movie for review, and all I can say is that I owe him a Liam Neeson styled throat punch for making me watch this. Dead Before Dawn is the story of a group of college kids. They unknowingly set off an evil curse that turns the world’s populace into Zombie/Demon hybrids. They have until dawn of the next day to reverse the curse or its effects will become permanent.

I have watched thousands upon thousands of movies. I can honestly say that this film easily cracks the top 20 worst movies that I have ever seen. It might even be in the top 10. It only takes about 2 minutes to realize that this film is going to suck nuds. The film starts out and we see the group of college friends as they go about their daily lives. They worry about things like school projects, and who is going to win the next big football game. Their lives are about to be flipped upside down by an evil curse. A random artifact sitting in a store for the occult is accidentally opened and a dark terror is unleashed upon the world. People lose the will to live and then come back as zombie/demons (better known as Zemons.) Yes, Zemons is the best they could come up with. This may be the most confusing blend of humor/horror that I have ever come across. The film’s writing is clearly targeting the YTV crowd (Thanks for the unknown television show reference, Canadian Dude! It will be Nickelodeon to my American friends.) Yet there is swearing and blood, making this film rated R. So it is not targeting kids or adults, which is a brilliant move! The film is little more than the group of friends traversing the city, looking for a cure and trying to survive.

Things you can expect:

1. Terrible looking zombies and poor special effects of them dying.

2. The living French kissing Zemons for some inexplicable reason.

3. Humor that only the simple minded could love.

4. Awkward scenes of love/romantic interests.

5. Acting that would make Hayden Christensen say “Damn, that is some bad acting!”

I won’t talk about the acting as it is beyond description. It looked like every scene in this film was shot in one take. The actors look to be adlibbing most of the time. If any of these people make it big than this will be their Jennifer Aniston, Leprechaun movie. Once again we have the dumbest group of friends ever. There is a clumsy nerd, a hipster, a jock, a douche bag, an air head, a bookworm, and an alternative girl, WHO ARE ALL FRIENDS. It is so they can have a broad spectrum for comedy, but it fails across the board.

This gets increasingly harder to watch as the film goes on. The kids fight the Zemons with the most ridiculous weapons possible (Grenades, Ninja Stars, a Hoberman Sphere.) The Zemons seem more intent on making noise and chasing the group than actually trying to kill anyone. To say this film is juvenile is an understatement. The film cannot come to an end quick enough and makes me question why the zombie genre has so many terrible films. In conclusion, go to the dentist, do your taxes, or even call up your ex. I guarantee it will be a more enjoyable experience than this film ever was.

April Mullen directed this. I will not say anything negative as it is more the script (Tim Doiron) that makes this film as bad as it is. She keeps the film fast paced so although it is still horrendously stupid, it is never slow. Sorry April, that is the best I got for you.

I cannot recommend this film, and Christopher Lloyd has been the same age for the last 30 years….maybe he is a Zemon?

T Factor + If you like kids films or spoof movies, then this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – None.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Stan Helsing, Date Movie

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