I Love You Beth Cooper
Running Time: 102 minutes
Starring: Hayden Panettiere, Paul Rust, Alan Ruck
Directed By: Chris Columbus
Rating: 1 out of 10
The high school class valedictorian has one day left to tell the woman of his dreams that he loves her.
I Love you Beth Cooper is 2 hours of barely contained contempt from me against the movie industry. I wanted to write angry emails to everyone involved with the making of this film. Instead I will immortalize the awfulness of this film in writing. This is the story of Denis Cooverman. He is valedictorian, virgin, and raging nerd of epic proportions. He is in love with the most beautiful and popular girl in his school named Beth Cooper. It is the last day of high school and his last chance of professing that love and winning over the girl of his dreams.
The film starts off with Denis giving the graduation speech in his school’s auditorium. It is in this speech that you will find out a bunch of things about Denis. He is a shy and awkward guy and that he has alienated himself from his classmates. You will also find out that he has an unhealthy obsession and fascination with Beth. The last and most important thing you will find out is he is not funny in any way, shape, or form. In a scenario that would never happen, Beth and her two friends show up to Denis’s two man after grad party (attendees are Denis and his best friend). There is a big problem though as Beth’s boyfriend is an insane, muscle bound, army guy, who takes pleasure from beating on nerds. The film from that moment on breaks down into watching the small party jump from venue to venue to stay away from the crazed boyfriend. The scenes are either forced or rushed. The chemistry or budding romance between Denis and Beth is both non plausible and strange. Lastly and most importantly the humor is nowhere to be found.
Actor Paul Rust playing Denis actually does an okay job with the role. He certainly has the look of a complete dork. He also delivers his lines effectively. This doesn’t mean I want to see him in another movie anytime soon but he wasn’t the worst. Beth Cooper played by Hayden Panettiere certainly has the look of a head cheerleader (See Heroes television show). She does an average job but does nothing exciting to make her character pop. The thought of them being romantically involved in this film is cringe worthy material.
The supporting cast is an odd assortment of high school stereotypes but no one stands up and takes the lead comically which is disappointing.
This film inundates the viewer with too many scenes of stupid slapstick humor. Denis gets punched repeatedly, hit by a car, hit with skeleton nun chucks, but nothing hits his funny bone. Now while there is some solace in him getting beat on it quickly fades when you realize he actually isn't getting hurt. His is he or isn’t he gay best friend Rich had ample time to shine but fails repeatedly to do so. He quotes lines from movies as his shtick and it never really works (It might have bothered me more than it should because I quote movie lines all day long). Beth is cooler than she is supposed to be but in no way entertaining. High School is supposed to be the time of your life but after watching this film it will make you rethink that. They try everything you would expect from corny gay jokes to a totally unneeded cow tipping scene but bottom line this film just plain sucked.
Director Chris Columbus has been doing this a long time (No not from year 1492). He has such films as Home Alone and Adventures in Baby Sitting on his resume so there is no excuse for this film. The casting was okay but he went way too nerdy with Rust as the lead. The pacing was too frantic leaving a sense of unfulfilled potential as the film rolled along. Sure the screenplay (Larry Doyle) was rancid but he could have done something to make this movie at least watchable.
I obviously cannot recommend this film as it is a testament of bad film watching. I probably should have figured that out when the trailer for Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakquel is a preview on this DVD.
T Factor+ If you like coming of age high school comedies this could score higher on the rating scale.
T Factor + If you like risqué or crass humor this could score lower on the rating scale.
If you liked this film reel recommendations: Accepted, John Tucker Must Die.