Here Comes the Boom

Here Comes the Boom

Comedy (Sports, Family)

2012

Rated: PG

Running Time: 105 minutes

Starring: Kevin Smith, Henry Winkler, Salma Hayek, Greg Germann, Bas Rutten

Directed By: Frank Coraci

Rating: 4 out of 10

Outline

A high school biology teacher is forced to MMA fight, so he can raise enough money to save his friends job.

Review

I once got food poisoning from eating baby carrots. What happened to my stomach for the next 12 hours could be appropriately described by the title of this film. It was also a more pleasant experience to go through than this movie was. Obviously I only jest, and to be fair this was better than I thought it would be. Here Comes the Boom is the story of Scott Voss. He is a high school biology teacher that tries to become a professional MMA (mixed-martial arts) fighter. He hopes to raise enough money to save his schools extracurricular programs from being cancelled.

I needed a mindless watch, so I popped this movie into the PS-3, and away we go. It didn’t take long for me to get that familiar Adam Sandler stank from this movie. Looking further into it, I see that Happy Madison (Sandler’s Company) was a producer for this, and director Frank Coraci, has shot a couple of Sandler films in the past. I only mention it because the humor is noticeably bad or absent in this. The film starts and we are introduced to Scott Voss as he sleeps through his alarm, which in turn makes him late for school. When he finally arrives at the school, he lets his students do whatever they want as he catches some more shut eye. It establishes Scott as a man coasting through life, with little ambition and no goals. The film doesn’t really get under way until the schools music program is threatened with cancellation, and a fellow teacher’s job is at risk of being axed. Scott plays the unlikely hero and steps up to save the day. He decides to raise the money needed to save the music program, by himself. So he takes on night teaching classes and quickly realizes it won’t be nearly enough. After racking his brain, he comes up with the decision of fighting in MMA bouts for the cash. The problem is he has to start at the very bottom of the sport. So he fights in abandoned warehouses, he fights in broken ass rings, and he even fights in the rain. Surprisingly, the fights are actually entertaining to watch, and Voss is not out of place in the ring. The premise is preposterous and yet you will enjoy him giving and taking punches. The humor however, is nowhere to be found. They try to find humor with immigrants who can’t speak English properly. They try to find humor in Voss puking. They try and find humor in Voss sexually harassing the school nurse, and they even try to find humor with Neil Diamond music. This is where the film loses its way, and that is because this is the lowest form of humor these days. It is Adam Sandler humor.

Kevin James plays Scott Voss, and you know what? He is actually very good in the role. He is likeable as the goofy yet loveable teacher, and he is fun to watch in the ring. James is in no way a fighter, but he doesn’t look out of place in the ring. I liked James, but the problem is with his supporting cast. Henry Winkler plays the teacher whose job is going to be cancelled, and talk about vanilla. Winkler’s gentle humor wouldn’t have been funny in the 1960’s let alone today. He bumbles his way through this movie, making mistakes as Voss’s unofficial manager. He forgets the ring chair, he forgets the theme music, and he forgets that he is supposed to be funny. Salma Hayek plays Voss’s love interest and she is little more than a tight shirt in this. Pick any actress out there, and she could have filled in for Hayek.

So as the deadline approaches for the money that is due, Voss is forced to take on bigger and bigger fights. He trains with a former professional fighter so he can win fights, and more importantly not get killed. In his noble quest to save his colleagues job, Voss realizes that he has strayed as a teacher. In finding passion in the ring, he also finds passion in teaching biology to his students. It is cheesy, but I liked the feel good angle. So Voss gets punched, kicked, choked, gouged, and just beaten to a bloody pulp in this, all for the viewer’s amusement. He then encourages the so called weirdo’s and losers of his class to speak up and to chase their dreams. The film coasts from fight to fight, and from class to class. By the end of the film, you will want Voss to win the big fight and to win the nurses affection. In a time where most movies go for the crude humor, it is good to see that these types of films still exist. In conclusion, haven’t we seen this same premise before in School of Rock? This film is fun in that it never takes itself too seriously. James makes this film really easy to watch and the fighting is eventful. Unfortunately, the lack of humor and Winkler’s performance weigh in on the films quality factor for the whole movie. This film will make you smile, but will leave you feeling disappointed.

Director Frank Coraci, loves to make movies that are light hearted with positive vibes (The Waterboy, Zookeeper). The problem is that he is so formulaic, that his films always seem one dimensional. His incorporation of real MMA fighters was the right touch, and his pacing does keep the viewer interested. I liked this films message and I liked the progression. The problem is this film was not funny in the slightest, and Coraci does nothing to make it funny. He did an okay job on a film that should have been god awful, so I will give him a pass.

I cannot recommend this film but it was way better than expected.

T Factor + If you like family/feel good films, then this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you do not like Kevin James as an actor, then this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: School of Rock, The Longest Yard.  

Cringe Worthy Actress List 2013

Ten Actresses that make me cringe in 2013

With the guys out of the way, I can now turn my attentions to the fairer sex. Women have it harder than guys do in Hollywood as they are judged more heavily. It doesn’t mean they have to be annoying though. These 10 women constantly have people rolling their eyes at their acting skills, hating the romantic comedy genre, and they just repel the public with their off screen antics. It isn’t too hard to be a straight up B these days. Congrats ladies, you are on the TBizzy cringe list!

What did I base my criteria of hate on? Here are the factors.

  

1) Look or appearance.

2) Off screen interviews and personality.

3) Their acting ability.

4) The quality of the movies they show up in, both past and present.

5) The total volume of their work.

6) If they will ever show up on a Moped and totally redeem themselves. (Redemption quality)

TOP 10 ACTRESSES I HATE TO SEE IN FILMS FOR 2013

#10 Jennifer Carpenter

We start off this list the same way we started off the guys list. Much like David Koechener, Carpenter does not have the ability to speak normally. When she is not distracting people with her strange delivery, she can be seen detracting from the movies shes in, like Quarantine, and White Chicks. She also can be found, irritating the shit out of watchers on the TV show Dexter. There is a reason she was so good in the Exorcism of Emily Rose, that is because she looks like she could be used as an effective scarecrow on most farms. She is irritating to look at, and she is irritating to listen to. She only has a small movie resume, so she starts off the list for cringe worthy actresses in 2013.

#9 Paris Hilton

The world has mostly forgotten about Paris Hilton, but the movie Hottie & the Nottie was so bad that she has made this list 5 years after that films release. She is famous for doing cocaine and showing up to parties. If that is the criteria for being a celebrity, then I should be the king of a small country by now. If you stare at her long enough, she starts to look like Wayne Gretzky in makeup. When a sex tape is the best acting role you have produced, it is time to give up the acting dream. Miss Hilton is a Hottie that no one in this world misses, and she finds herself at number 9 on my list.

 #8 Lea Michele

Lea Michele just bothers me for some reason. She has a killer voice and an obnoxious demeanor. It might not be entirely her fault, because I feel Hollywood is forcing her on us in unwanted amounts. But when you stand out as the weak link in a movie like New Years Eve, it says something about your acting skills. She has limited screen time on her resume, and she could turn it around if she was cast in better roles. Alas, we are stuck with her for now and she is as irritating as a Glee storyline. At number 8, Lea is a singing nightmare.

#7 Michelle Trachtenberg

Michelle somehow reached Hollywood stardom, and then let it get to her head. I have hated Michelle since her Buffy the Vampire days and that feeling has never gone away. With less than stellar movies, like EuroTrip and Black Christmas on her resume, she has retreated back to TV where she belongs. She is portrayed as a sex symbol and yet she wouldn’t stand out in most high schools. Let us hope she simply fades away, because she is hard to watch. At number 7, Trachtenberg is slaying us with her awfulness.

#6 Reese Witherspoon

With a chin like a mini Jay Leno, Witherspoon likes to ruin her audiences evening, by making you watch the same movie, over and over and over. This Means War, How Do you Know, Four Christmases, and Legally Blonde 2. Way to test your acting range and ruin most guys nights at the same time. Now we find out that she turns into Ed Belfour when her husband is pulled over by the cops for a suspected DUI. “Do you know who I am?” she is quoted as saying. The only appropriate answer to that question is, MOVIE DATE NIGHT KILLER. With an Oscar on her resume and a kick ass voice to boot, it is a shame she doesn’t pursue the singing avenue. Reese has a small stature, but is a huge fun repellant.

#5 Kirsten Dunst

I listened to her talk about the Spiderman movies and instantly I disliked Dunst. She speaks as if she was an integral part to the film’s success, instead of a character that could have been played by 30 different actresses. Yes, you are talented because you don’t wear a bra while it is raining. She has been boring audiences with her jacked up smile for a long time now, and there is no end in sight. Must we sit through more god awful films like Wimbledon, just so we can hear her spout nonsense about how good an actress she is? We wish she was permanently young, like in the movie Interview With the Vampire, so we wouldn’t have to witness her act as an adult.

#4 Wanda Sykes

Wanda Sykes wears the other half of the amulet that Ben Stiller carries. Nothing can make me change a channel faster than seeing Wanda Sykes is in the movie. With a face that looks like it was punched by Mike Tyson, and a voice that makes Mila Kunis’s sound smooth, Sykes has been delivering the lowest forms of comedy for way too long. She was in the movie Pootie Tang. End of story.

#3 Gwyneth Paltrow

Dame Gwyneth Paltrow offers the world advice, and she expects the world to listen. There is something so off putting about the woman that it carries over to her films. She just seems so stuck up in everything she says and does. When she is not bettering the world with her, I am holier than thou attitude, she can be found making instant movie classics like, View From the Top. All I can say is that Kevin Spacey got it right.

#2 Kristen Stewart

Kristen is easy to pick on, so I will make this short. Twilight, She cannot close her mouth, and her the world isn’t fair attitude, all lend to her lack of appeal. My nephew once broke a GI Joe toy of mine, and I am not ashamed to say I shed one single tear in sadness. That was more emotion than anything that Stewart has shown to us in her films. She will be on this list for a long time, as she just grates on the viewer’s nerves with her unemotional delivery.

#1 Katherine Heigl

With a mouth sporting 72 teeth, Heigl has ruined more guys nights than any other actress out there. If she hears the word, Rom Com, she instantly signs up to star in it without reading the script. I would call her acting cookie cutterish, but that would insult cookie cutters. New Years Eve, The Ringer, 27 Dresses, The Ugly Truth, Life as We Know It, she has probably caused thousands of fights between couples because of her movies.  She wasn’t even enjoyable in the movie Knocked Up, and that is hard to do. Take a bow Miss Heigl, it is not easy to be number 1 on the cringe list, but you easily do it.

 Honorable mentions that almost made my list were: Amy Poehler, Lindsay Lohan, Penelope Cruz, Hillary Swank, and Jennifer Lopez.  

So do you agree with my list? Do you have someone to add or someone you want to defend?

Remember these lists are just for fun and are not to be taken too seriously. Let me know what you think!

Cringe Worthy Actor List 2013

Ten Actors that make me cringe in 2013

After 200 + movie reviews, I am in a little bit of a funk. I just don’t find writing reviews as enjoyable as I once did. However, I know that the millions….and millions…of my fans need their TBizzy writing fix, so here you go to tide you over. Do you have a list of actors that you cannot stand? It could be because that they are terrible actors. It could be because they are woefully unfunny. Or it could be simply that you just hate their face. Whatever the reason, here is my top 10 list of actors that I simply cannot stand in the year 2013.

What did I base my criteria of hate on? Here are the factors.  

1) Look or appearance.

2) Off screen interviews and personality.

3) Their acting ability.

4) The quality of the movies they show up in, both past and present.

5) The total volume of their work.

6) If they will ever show up on a Moped and totally redeem themselves. (Redemption quality)

TOP 10 ACTORS I HATE TO SEE IN FILMS FOR 2013

#10 David Koechener

We start off the cringe list with David Koechener. If you don’t know this guy, then you are probably watching decent movies. If you do know this guy, then you have seen some god awful shit. He has been ruining movies with his deformed facial delivery since 1997. He is so unfunny that even crickets don’t make noise when he tells a joke. The only good news is that he usually has only a small supporting role. The bad news is that he is in like 6 movies a year. When David isn’t killing the comedy genre with movies like Balls of Fury, and My Boss’s Daughter, he can be found killing the horror genre with crappy movies like Final Destination 5, and Piranha 3DD. This guy is so unlikeable that he even killed the Patrick Stewart hairstyle. Take a bow Mr. Koechner; you start off the list at number 10.

# 9 Jack McBrayer

Have you ever wanted to punch someone in the face for no good reason? With his permanent goofy expression and Flowbee sculpted haircut, McBrayer is a one trick pony that has over stayed his welcome. Known mostly as the Page from TV’s, 30 Rock, he shows up from time to time to ruin your movies, homer style. Movies like Talladega Nights and The Campaign, show that he clearly adds no comedic value to any situation. He only ends up as number 9 due to the fact he has a small resume. Let us hope he goes the way of Pauly Shore, so we won’t have to see him again.

# 8 Brandon Fraser

With his strange eyes that are reminiscent of a surprised fish, he is just hard to take seriously. Little known fact: When Arnold was exposed to the Mars atmosphere in Total Recall, Fraser was his stunt double. Brandon Fraser shows there is no movie bad enough for him to turn down. Furry Vengeance, Inkheart, Looney Tunes: Back in Action, it seems Fraser throws on a little R.Kelly music and then makes love to the Green Screen. When a talking chipmunk is acting circles around you, it is time to choose more wisely my friend. The fact that his ex wife is a gold digger, he was awesome in the T.V. show Scrubs, and I grudgingly will admit that I liked the Mummy, all helped his cause. Mr. Fraser could find himself off this list if he ever decided to work with humans again.

# 7 Adam Sandler

Mr. Sandler, what happened to you? Nothing makes me cringe harder than a trailer for a new Sandler movie. That’s My Boy, Jack and Jill, Just Go with It, Grown Ups, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, these movies make Little Nicky look like Citizen Kane. Do you hate your fans Adam? When your pals are making better movies (Grandma’s Boy) than you, it is time to reevaluate your career. If it wasn’t for the strength of his early classics like Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, and the fact Sandler is a funny dude off screen, he could have found himself higher than # 7. I have faith in Sandler though and hope he can find himself off this list next year.

# 6 Robert Pattinson

If you stare long enough at this dude he starts to look like an owl. I hate this guy’s face, I hate this guy’s hair, and I hate this guy. Pattinson has only a small volume of work, but when it includes the Twilight series, that is more than enough. Not sure why I dislike him so much, but I am guessing everyone hoped that Voldemort showed up in Water for Elephants. He is firmly at number 6 and I don’t see him moving off this list for next year.

# 5 Jaden Smith

I tried not to include kids on this list but Jaden is too obnoxious not to make it. He hangs out with Justin Bieber, which really says it all. He is a star because of his famous dad, but clearly Jaden didn’t inherit his dad’s natural charm or capabilities. He literally/figuratively makes the Earth Stand Still while you watch his films, and he ruined the Karate Kid. He ruined the Karate Kid….seriously…I loved that movie while growing up. When Jaden is not killing movies, he is walking around with a sense of entitlement that is not even earned. Jaden is quickly creeping up the list instead of down it with his bird like looks. He solidly is entrenched at number 5.

# 4 Ben Stiller

I do not find Stiller funny, and yet I get the impression he thinks he is the funniest guy on the planet. If they gave out a medal for comedians, Stiller would vote for himself. Pick a recent movie, Tower Heist, The Watch, Little Fockers, it is like the guys sole purpose in life is to take peoples hard earned money in exchange for their frowns and silence. He has been riding the success of a couple of movies to the detriment of the paying public. The movies that do work, are despite of him being in it (Tropic Thunder, There’s Something About Mary.) He is the blandest man in comedy, and he has been doing it for almost 30 years. At number 4 and as the top comedian on my list, you should take a bow Mr. Stiller, for sucking out loud.

# 3 Nicolas Cage

I take many jabs at Cage when I write my reviews, so I am sure you are shocked that he is only number 3 on my list. With his cocaine physique and Crypt Keeper inspired hair, Cage has been ruining movies for a long time now. I could list them ad nauseam, or I could just tell you to YouTube the Wicker Man ending and then you will understand where I am coming from. His constipated delivery aside, the dude has won an Oscar. He also was in solid movies like The Rock, and Con Air, not to mention he played Big Daddy in the movie Kick-Ass, which helps his cause immensely. The dude is an overacting, twitchy spaz, but he doesn’t have the chops to head my list. Cage is firmly at the number 3 spot and he will be on this list until he stops making movies.

# 2 Shia LaBeouf

Shia thinks he is Hollywood’s bad boy except that he looks like Cory Matthews from Boy Meets World. He was balls in Transformers, he was balls in Indiana Jones, and he was balls in Lawless. He just cannot act. He lowers the credibility of the film just by being in it. He looks like a guy who would be picked on in high school, and yet he is taking on major action roles. I even hate his name. He is young so he has time to correct his weaknesses, but until then we are in purgatory as he stutters through his lines. Shia is at number 2 on my cringe worthy list.

#1 Hayden Christensen

He ruined Star Wars. Okay, that is an overstatement, but he certainly was a huge contributing factor to its awfulness. He was good in the movie, Life as a House, and………………….that’s it. He has one look, and that look is emo. He looks like he went to the Kristen Stewart, school of acting. Whenever he is on screen, it is hard not to pretend that the Evanescence song, My Immortal, is playing in the background. He kills movies with a mere word and I have put off watching things he is in, as I can’t sit through 2 hours of his wooden performances. He is the Movie Terminator and whenever I hear that he is in a film I say, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Honorable mentions that almost made my list were: Dax Shepard, Matt Dillon, Robin Williams, John Travolta, Owen Wilson, and Johnny Knoxville.

So that is my list for 2013. If I forgot someone or if you disagree with me, I would love to hear your thoughts. I will be making the actress list sometime soon. Thanks for reading and until next time, remember. “With no power comes no responsibility” – Kick-Ass