The Cold Light of Day

The Cold Light of Day

2012

Action (Thriller)

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 93 minutes

Starring: Bruce Willis, Henry Cavill, Sigourney Weaver

Directed By: Mabrouk El Mechri

Rating: 3 out of 10

Outline

A man’s family is kidnapped while vacationing in Spain and he has only one day to try and save their lives.

Review

There is nothing like a film that keeps you riveted to the edge of your seat. A film so awesome you don’t want to blink in fear of missing something amazing. Picture the exact opposite of that and you will get this movie. I hadn’t even heard of this movie until a week ago and now I am wishing I still hadn’t. The Cold Light of Day is the story about Will who is a young entrepreneur. He is vacationing in Spain when his family suddenly disappears and it is up to him to find out why.

I cannot express to you how thoroughly bad this movie is. It uses the same formula as the movie Taken but does not execute anything well in the slightest. Instead of Will having a particular set of skills he has no skills. The movie starts off with the introduction to Will and his family as they vacation in beautiful Spain. I liked the location for this story as Spain is an unusual spot for a thriller like this to take place. Usually movies where characters are running for their lives take place in major cities like New York or Los Angeles. So seeing beautiful styled buildings as Will runs for his life is a refreshing change. The movie doesn’t get going until Will’s family is taken and this is where the movie just doesn’t get it right at all. Will is stuck in a tight spot (Said like George Clooney from O Brother, Where Art Thou?). At the end of the day though, he is basically a kid running from professional killers and hired hit men. What starts off with a very unbelievable scene where Will narrowly escapes being shot escalates into a movie where that is the sole premise. Will runs and drives through the city at random firing a gun he has no practice with and takes on a multitude of bad guys. Will fires at the bad guys and the bad guy’s fire at Will, all with the precision of a drunken male teen peeing at a dorm toilet.

The lead Will played by Henry Cavill was below average in his performance. He runs through Spain like a mad man and does not get the viewer to care remotely about his predicament. I am not saying he won’t be a good Superman (Man of Steel 2013) but it is just a disappointing lead up to that film.

Bruce Willis plays Will’s dad Martin and he dialed in this role adding nothing but a celebrity name to this movie. A family friend Carrack played by Sigourney Weaver also seems to be in this film just for another name. Her performance is neither convincing nor fun to watch. All in all most of the characters in this film just go through the motions as they say their lines.

As the film carries along the viewer is treated to car chase scenes that are choppy and over edited. There are lots of gun fights where everyone seems to get hit but Will. The guns themselves seem to have unlimited ammo, and when the film does slow down the story is so broken and unbelievable it cannot be enjoyed. In a city where Will knows no one and doesn’t speak the language he gets around surprisingly well. Random encounters where people help him with no questions asked and also characters that make stupid non plausible decisions just adds to the chaos which is this movie. When the movie comes to its end you realize that it was basically an hour and a half of Will running around Spain like a chicken with his head cut off. You will not care for the story, you will not care if Will survives, you will not care if he saves his family, and finally you will not care to watch another thriller for a long time. With so many great movies of this ilk out there I found this film plain and quite frankly pointless.

Director Mabrouk El Mechri put together a very puzzling film. His camera work is spotty. His casting is made for household names instead of the right fit for the role. The action is choppy and uneventful. The story is rife with contrived plot and stupid characters. Lastly the films pace is way too frantic to be enjoyed. He failed basically across the board on this film except for having it based in Spain.

I cannot recommend this film for many reasons but mainly because the worlds next superman is boring as hell as an action star.

T Factor + If you like movies where the protagonist is on the run for his life than this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you have seen lots of thriller movies before than this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Taken, The Fugitive.

Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows

2012

Comedy

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 113 minutes

Starring: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Chloe Grace Moretz, Eva Green, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, Christopher Lee, Bella Heathcote

Directed By: Tim Burton

Rating: 2 out of 10

Outline

The Collins family is dysfunctional and on the verge of financial ruin. That is until a descendant shows up to fix their woes. There is only one problem though and that is he is a vampire.

Review

When dealing with tales of the occult or the macabre it is never a wise choice to look into dark shadows. The shadows are often filled with things that are terrible or unappealing. Those two descriptive words are really this movie in a nutshell. Not in a gross or sickening way just that this movie plain sucked. Dark Shadows is a movie about a vampire named Barnabas Collins. He has been imprisoned for nearly 200 years and gets accidentally released. He returns to his ancestral home where his descendants are in need of some serious help both financially and mentally.

I am going to take a deep breath to calm myself before writing this review. I don’t want to swear or go off on some sort of Tim Burton tangent. So here we go. This movie is both bizarre and odd and not even remotely fun or worthwhile. Dark Shadows is based on an American gothic soap opera from the 60’s and 70’s. I can easily say it should have stayed in that era. I have never heard of that soap but it is not hard to deduce it must have been awful. Just like the Fantastic Four are dated comic book characters that don’t translate well to the big screen, Dark Shadows is a film that had no business being made for that same reason. The film starts and we are treated to Barnabas Collins origin and how he became imprisoned as a vampire. Flash forward 200 years and he is back to aid his dysfunctional descendants at his ancestral mansion. The film is loaded with stupid characters and just a terrible story. The film which is set in the 1970’s relies heavily on tired and dated humor. Most of the jokes stem from Barnabas’s funny speech and unawares of social graces and technological advances. Him seeing cars and televisions and equating it with instruments of the devil is just plain dumb. Obviously this film is not to be taken seriously but Barnabas looks like a walking cadaver and no one comments on it. He also sometimes is affected by sunlight while other times he is not. Through it all though you could care less about him or his family member’s curse and more importantly this film is not funny.

Barnabas Collins played by Johnny Depp was okay in the role. He looked great but his performance is somewhat stale. His constant recurring roles with Director Tim Burton seemed to make his roles from movie to movie indiscernible from each other. Frankly I might be tired of Depp with his relation to Burton as his performances are not unique or special anymore.

The Collins family does a good job for the most part with such a terrible script. The only standout in this film for me was Angelique Bouchard played by Eva Green. Her portrayal of a jilted lover was quirky enough to be enjoyable and had moments of being great.    

As the film goes from scene to scene it will be hard not to turn off this film. The Collins family is a blend of the Munsters meet the Royal Tenenbaums and that is not a good mix. The only nice thing I can say about this film is the soundtrack is surprisingly strong. A blend of familiar rock tunes blast out right through this film. Seeing a vampire walk through a bar with Crocodile Rock playing in the background is a nice touch. As the film comes to a close I can remember laughing twice tops to this poorly constructed film. The Collins may battle to save their family’s respectable name or even their lives but they never battle to win over the viewer.

Director Tim Burton has been a very up and down director. His penchant for doing dark films is obviously well known. That being said his take on storylines and darker cinematography are not always appreciated. This was a complete miss for me. Try something new already Tim. Cast someone else besides Depp and your wife Bonham Carter. Play with light and things that walk on the living green earth. With such a solid cast this film should not be bad but it was. Everything in this film was off except for the musical score and that is a pretty big problem.

I cannot recommend this film. I know this is the time of the vampire, but really I am not sure how many more crappy vampire films I can sit through.

T Factor + If you like Tim Burton as a Director this could score way higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you do not like Depp as an actor this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: The Addams Family, Fright Night

Cabin Fever

Cabin Fever

Action (Horror)

2002

Rated: R

Running Time: 93 Minutes

Starring: Rider Strong, Jordan Ladd, James DeBello, Cerina Vincent, Joey Kern

Directed By: Eli Roth

Rating: 6 out of 10

Outline

Five kids go into the woods but soon realize a deadly virus stalks the area.

Review

So this movie has a love it or hate it quality about it, something akin to the Evil Dead franchise. Meaning you either get into it or you don’t. I have heard tons of negativity towards this movie and I can see the arguments I just can’t agree with them. Yes in a world where typical audiences need meaningful plot, passionate characters, and big budgets, this movie is going to come up short. In a world where everything should be appreciated Cabin Fever doesn’t pander to the masses. It finds its own niche by paying homage to the early days of horror. Cabin Fever is the story of 5 friends that head off into the woods for a little rest and relaxation. What starts off as a party soon becomes a fight for their lives as a deadly flesh eating virus ravages the group and they have little hope of survival.

So I am going to preface this by saying this movie is insane. It is a mish mash of cartoon character personas and over the top gore. If you always take your movies seriously you can stop reading right now as this movie will not be for you. (I guarantee that.) If you appreciate movies like The Evil Dead and Drag Me to Hell then there is a pretty interesting little flick waiting for you in this film. The movie has the typical group of twenty year olds heading into the boonies for a cabin getaway. They encounter the local inhabitants on the way there who are an eclectic bunch of rednecks (of course). As they head into the isolated woods the film really starts to get going. A couple of creepy sudden encounters amongst the trees involving some odd looking characters really set the tone for this film. It also has an old school musical soundtrack that really enhances the movies bloody scenes. When all is calm and peaceful on screen it can be suddenly broken up by a quick horrible visual. I obviously will not divulge who gets sick but let me just say the disease is top notch in its design. Skin literally sloughs off the body and a bloody cough that projectiles blood and phlegm will make most people squeamish. As the disease is introduced to the group this is where the movie is genius. Friendships splinter and the distrust begins. Although the theme is surviving there is something endearing in the comical dialogue and stupid/horrible decisions the group makes together.

It would be harsh of me to judge this cast as they are supposed to be decidedly campy. From the rednecks to a druggie police officer this film is obviously not going for credibility. The 5 friends are also haphazardly put together and would never be friends in real life. The women are in this film for their beauty and the guys are in it to add some versatility to the story line. I would say they did above average jobs with their performances as I felt their plight and it is not always easy to pull off a film like this.

The obvious double entendre title Cabin Fever is a perfect fit. Not only are they stuck in this remote cabin with nothing to do. They are also stuck with this disease that is ravaging the area. Distrust is bred from the diseases unknown origin and going for help always leads them back to the cabin. This film is the perfect recipe of horror and shocks. Guns are fired, body parts are strewn about, even the local wildlife gets riled up by the craziness of this disease. Yes the dialogue is stilted and comical, and yes every character in the film is a super exaggerated stereotype, but through it all this movie does enough to make it worthwhile. When the end to this film comes, your morbid curiosity in this tale will be sated with plenty of nudity and sex and a whole lot of vibrant blood spraying.

Director and writer Eli Roth (other writer Randy Pearlstein) has put together a decent horror film. His use of great musical score, great sweeping camera work of the woods, and abrupt scenes of gore are to be commended. He could have toned down some of the characters (a mentally challenged boy, a partying cop) but somehow even they fit into this film. The script was perfect and this film never ceases to be fun and campy. It is a great throwback horror that hopefully some will appreciate.

I give this movie a recommendation with the caveat please go in with an open mind. If you like horror and gross amounts of blood this should work for you.

T Factor + If you like campy films or old school horror this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – if you like great story and dialogue this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Hostel, Drag Me to Hell.