2012

2012

2009

Action

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 158 minutes

Starring: John Cusack, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Oliver Platt, Woody Harrelson

Directed By: Roland Emmerich

Rating: 2 out of 10

Outline

Humanity battles for survival during the world’s last few days as we know it.

Review

I figured this movie would be very apropos to review figuring there is a little bit over a month left until the end of the world according to the Mayans. If this is actually one of the last movies I get to watch then I will leave this world pretty angry. 2012 is the story of the earth facing a phenomenon of cataclysmic proportions. It follows the struggles of humanity as they try to survive this global catastrophe.

This movie plays out very much like an episode of the Amazing Race except the prize is staying alive. I can make this very easy for you, and tell you right away not to watch this piece of tripe. If you want keep reading then here we go. If you have seen one disaster movie then this film should not surprise you at all. Things blow up and the main characters try to survive. The film is broken down into two main storylines. The first storyline involves the superpowers of the globe as they strategize a plan to survive the end of the world. The second storyline follows the path of a family, as they battle to stay alive off the coast of California. Neither story is engaging, and the characters are so poorly constructed that it is almost insulting the viewer has to watch this. It is quite clear this movie is all about blowing stuff up and throws everything else out the window. Buildings collapse, earthquakes tear cities apart, volcanoes erupt, people die, and the viewer is assaulted with recognizable world landmarks being destroyed. That was the big payoff in this film, seeing things like the Washington monument collapse, or a tidal wave destroy a major city was what this film was passing off as cool. Here is an idea, how about throw in a plausible story so people can enjoy the visuals? The main characters run, drive, fly, and are always seeming to stay one step ahead of the most insane explosions and earth rending quakes you will ever see in a film. I know this is added for excitement but it is sickening the amount of times this occurs. As a train literally takes flight across the screen I realized this was as good as it this film was going to get. The film also never decides if it is supposed to be a drama or an action/comedy. For every touching last minute phone call between a son and a father, there is a joke about wetting the bed. For every heroic gesture or act where someone sacrifices them self, there is a scene where a dog takes president over human lives. It is a terrible blend of genres and it is hard even to write about without getting upset.

This film has an okay cast but the movie is so bad it just exposes all of their flaws. John Cusack is a mess as a novel writer trying to save his family. There is something about his look and delivery that will never work in a film like this. Danny Glover as the president? Thandie Newton as the president’s daughter? Oliver Platt as a high ranking government official? Who cast this film? Obnoxious kids, horribly thought up Russian characters, and even Woody Harrelson playing a crazy person make this film truly god awful.

So after realizing all this film cared about was destroying this planet in the most elaborate ways possible, the computer graphics were not even that well done. The natural disasters are cool in look and design but the buildings and cars needed a lot more work for realism. This film teaches you that it isn’t that hard to make your way to China when things go to hell and billions of people are dying all over the world.  The cherry that is the topping of this bad tasting sundae is the film is an inexplicable three hours long. Trust me it doesn’t need to be, let me correct that, it doesn’t deserve to be that long. When the end finally comes and the explosions have quieted down, it will be a long time before a natural disaster movie finds its way into my DVD player. It shook my faith in the genre that much.

Disaster director (Both in genre and in talent) Roland Emmerich hasn’t found a famous building he hasn’t wanted to blow up (See Independence Day or The Day After Tomorrow.) This guy is like Michael Bay without the special effects budget. This film is like he told a bunch of random people to run into a building and then he blows it up with TNT. There is no plot, no character development, and no real fear for the world’s populace. It was all about grandiose visual spectacles that will appeal to very few.

I cannot recommend this film as not only did the earth shake in this film it also shook my patience.

T Factor + If you like disaster films than this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you don’t like John Cusack as an actor than this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations:  Day After Tomorrow, Dante’s Peak

The Green Hornet

The Green Hornet

Action (Comic Book)

2011

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 119 minutes

Starring: Seth Rogen, Cameron Diaz, Christopher Waltz, Tom Wilkinson, Jay Chou, Edward James Olmos

Directed By: Michel Gondry

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

Outline

An unlikely duo joins up to fight crime right across the city.

Review

This movie sat on my shelf for a long time. I would reach for it and say to myself not yet. It wasn’t out a sense of saving it for a rainy day more I couldn’t bring myself to watch Seth Rogen as any sort of crime fighter/super hero. Rogen portraying a super hero is kind of like me teaching a class on responsible drinking. It has a nice sound to it but neither of us are likely candidates to pull it off. The verdict: Rogen doesn’t work as a super hero and my liver probably looks like Norm’s does from Cheers. The Green Hornet is the story of Britt Reid. After the untimely death of his billionaire dad, he teams up with his late father’s assistant (Kato) to battle crime around the city.

I am a self admitted comic book geek and I am quite knowledgeable on most things superheroes. I knew virtually nothing about the Green Hornet going in so that is never a good sign that this is a strong character. Please forgive my ignorance to any OG Green Hornet fans out there as I am not sure if this movie does the original work justice. I can only really base my review on this film and for the most part it was awful. I understand the rush to make all thinks superheroes these days but come on. This film felt like the movie Rush Hour combined with Inspector Gadget and that is not a good thing. The film starts and we are introduced to the wild party boy Britt Reid as he drinks and fornicates his way through life. After the sudden passing of his father he is forced to grow up and take over the job of running his dads huge empire. From there the movie quickly translates into a comic book vibe as he meets his dads former assistant named Kato and they team up to fight crime (To quote Barney Stinson “ yeah, It happens that fast”.) The unlikely superhero angle is okay at the start but by the end you will be weary of it. Britt Reid is an idiot when it comes to fighting. He gets himself into all sorts of trouble by bumbling his way through fight scenes with hoodlums and bad guys. If it wasn’t for his trusty sidekick Kato and his robotic ninja moves, Reid would have died like 2 minutes into this film. Hence the Inspector Gadget feel to this film. Reid drops weapons, missed targets, trips and falls, and does all sorts of other things like that only to have Kato bail him out like Penny used to do. The comedy if you can even call it comedy comes in the form of bickering between the two crime fighters. They fight over plans of attack, women, nicknames, and it barely even registers as funny. Hence the Rush Hour feels to this film as the two leads from different worlds can’t get along.

I am a big fan of Seth Rogan as he is a hilarious guy; he just bit off more than he could chew with this film. His portrayal of Britt Reid as this odd bumbling character never connects with the viewer on any level. His stupid attitude and antics grow tiresome as the movie wears on and the character will appeal to very few. His sidekick Kato played by Jay Chou is average in the role as he struggles to deliver his lines. The two of them generate virtually no chemistry as polar opposite personalities which ultimately ruined this movie. Reid’s secretary Lenore Case played by Cameron Diaz is so forgettable in this movie you will have troubling remembering she was in this film a minute after it is done. Lastly the villain Chudnofsky played by Christopher Waltz is a campy mess of a crime boss making this film a complete fail across the board in terms of characters.

As the film proceeds the viewer is treated to a couple of okay fight scenes where the unlikely duo fights criminals across the city. The slow motion break down of the fighting is not great but offers something to look forward to in a film that offers little else. The story is typically weak and even the gadgets seem straight out of the 1960’s. A suped up car that has a flame thrower and spy hunter rims is not going to impress anyone. Even Reid’s gun shoots knock out gas pellets making you think he is going to be battling hippy protesters at Woodstock instead of an enemy that kills at will. The end of the movie just seals the deal as you won’t care what happens to anyone in this film as they battle Chudnofsky and his evil henchmen. This is based on an old school character and trust me that character should have stayed in that old school era.

Director Michael Gondry should stick to what he is known for (Be Kind Rewind, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) for his foray into the action world is less than stellar. To be fair, just like the Fantastic Four this character is too dated to do well. The comedy is misplaced and ill timed and the casting and characters are all sub standard. The action is about average and comes at infrequent intervals. Over all he did a poor job with this film.

I cannot recommend this film for we are in the golden age of the superhero movies and this character is too retro to work.

T Factor+ If you like Seth Rogen as an actor than this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you like solid superhero characters than this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Daredevil, Captain America. 

Paranormal Activity 3

Paranormal Activity 3

2011

Horror (Action, Thriller)

Rated: R

Running Time: 83 minutes

Starring: Lauren Bittner, Chloe Csengery, Jessica Tyler Brown, Dustin Ingram, Johanna Braddy, Christopher Nicholas Smith

Directed By: Henry Joost, Ariel Schulman

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Outline

A family of four is tormented by a ghost that seems interested in befriending the youngest child.

Review

I sat for a long time after watching this film trying to come up with an example of a franchise bouncing back after sucking so bad the movie prior. All I could come up with was the difference between Shrek 3 and the 4^th, and Star Wars 3 compared to the first 2. Anyways, I was astounded at the complete turnaround from the second film to this one. Paranormal Activity 3 is another prequel taking place back in 1988. It details the lives of sisters Katie (lead from the first film) and Kristi (lead from the second film) as kids. Strange happenings are occurring around their house and their father sets up video cameras to capture the phenomenon.

I wasn’t looking forward to this film as the second one sucked the life out of this franchise. That view changed quickly as I was pleasantly surprised early in this film and that emotion carried all the way to an unfortunate lame finale. That being said the scary journey of the first two acts is more than worth checking this film out. The film starts off and instantly the viewer will be thinking that this is another cheesy, and unoriginal cash grab but give it a little time. After the standard inane introductions to the family and a tour of the house the film settles down. The camera work in this film is brilliant for Handy cam style. Sure the quality of the camera is way too good for 1988. The cameras also never seem to need new VHS tapes for recording which gets glossed over but the payoff from the shots makes it easy to ignore. I complained that they overdid the number of cameras in the second Paranormal and thankfully they corrected that with this film. There is one in the master bedroom, one in the kid’s room, and one rigged camera on an oscillating mount that pans from kitchen to the dining room area and that is it. They also carry the camera around for no good reason but it captures some great scenes as the dad quietly walks around the house checking on noises. The entity in the house seems malevolent right from the start even though it does nothing overtly threatening. Most viewers will find the film tension filled as scary shit seems to be popping up everywhere and at frequent intervals. Sure there are the typical loud noises and sudden broken items that will make you jump, but this film builds so much anticipation for evil doings and that never goes away. The oscillating camera is the best part of the film as it pans slowly back and forth. The slow camera coverage will have most people cringing in fear of the unexpected.

The acting is not the worst and totally fine for what this film is going for. If you have seen one Paranormal movie than you know what to expect. That is people doing their job and not detracting from the films vibe. I do applaud the child actors as they hold their own when so many kids might have blown this movie.

As the film progresses the frights keep on coming. The entity seems playful one second then murderous the next. It is similar to the first movie but the pranks and noises this entity pulls are unique and well thought up. It is not content on simply moving some pots or breaking a picture as it relentlessly attacks this family both physically and mentally. Although this film has elements from the first two movies I still felt it was entirely original and that is a blessing when so much stuff gets recycled these days. Another scary element to this film is the kid Kristi seems attuned to seeing the specter and maybe even talking to it that leads to some WTF moments. Couple that with the entity messing with anyone who happens to visit the house and you are in for a bumpy ride. However this film is not perfect by any means. One critique is as a prequel it is supposed to fill in the unanswered questions from the first two movies and it never did that which was strange to me. The ending also sucked and is what kept this movie from being great for me. It is pretty stupid and it offers more questions than it answers trying to set up the next film instead of properly giving this one closure. A more satisfying end would have had me raving about this film. All in all this movie is a pretty good scare fest that will make you jump on multiple occasions.

Directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman team up and do a great jump of making this film work. This film always has the viewer on edge with interesting camera angles and well timed scares. It felt like a unique entry into this franchise and while the ending sucked the ride to get there was entertaining. Truly a solid job to save this franchises respect factor.

I give this movie a recommendation but especially to people who like to be scared without a ton of blood.      

T Factor + If you are easily scared then this could score higher on the rating scale.

T Factor – If you like your horror to be gory than this could score lower on the rating scale.

If you liked this film reel recommendations: Grave Encounters, Quarantine.